I've been feeling especially nostalgic lately so I've been reading over my old journals remembering old memories, good and bad. This happens to me every few months or so. It's interesting to read my what I wrote seven to ten years ago. Sometimes I laugh out loud and other times I'm just speechless. I can't believe I've done some of the things I've done. I also can't believe what I didn't do. I used to be so afraid of everything, too scared to to say or do stuff that might make people not like me.
Well, I guess I'm still kind of like that, but what can you do.
Nowadays, I feel more self-aware, more confident in who I am and most days I think I'm quite awesome. The 26 year old me wants to smack the 17 year old me and tell her, just do it, say yes and do what you want, everything will be okay. I'll also tell her, don't get those credit cards. Don't say yes to that.
There's my life. Ten years in fifteen notebooks. Not all the notebooks are filled, though. I had a bad habit when times were tough: I would buy and start a new notebook when a huge event took place. There's 6-7 notebooks for 2000-2002 alone.
I wonder what's happened to some of the people whose names speckled these pages. The ones I shared good times with, the many guys I crushed on (I used to develop crushes in minutes... still do, actually.), the ones I cried over, the ones I dumped. Not so much the ones I dumped, they were dumped for a reason. In real life, I drive through old stomping grounds and remember what I did at this restaurant and who I met at such-and-such place. They're mostly good memories and they make me smile.
I guess it's not a true feeling of nostalgia; it's not a feeling of wanting to go back to that place in my life. I'm quite happy where I am now. Those journals, those memories, are the stepping stones that led me to this day.
Anyway, I'd like to transcribe all these journals to a word document and get it all printed in one or two books. Some of the notebooks are yellowing and pages are falling out. I'd like to keep these words around forever.